Stress Less...

I must be a very strange person.

See, I use to be quite overweight, and a few years ago I lost all that weight without too much difficulty (13kg in 6 months :p) and I managed to keep it off for around 4 years.

But over the last year or two I have found that it has slowly crept back and I am almost where I was in the beginning. Except that this time I'm not so worried about it because I know that I can lose it again like last time, so there's no sense of urgency here.

Which is not good.

It's like a smoker saying "I've quit before, so I know I can do it again."

It's very much like my car, too. You see I, like most other people, have a general sense of awareness bordering on fear about getting scratches and dings on my car's paintwork. But since I started selling car paint and have access to all the resources required to fix any scratch or dent (or smash) I find myself not that concerned at all really because I know that "I can fix it whenever I want to."

I think this way of thinking hasn't only had a negative effect on me (re the weight issue) because now I find myself a lot less worried about my car getting damaged. I used to be one of those people who parked the furthest away from the mall entrance and anyone else to avoid some asshole with no general sense of proximity bumping my door with theirs as they climb into or out of their own piece of shit cars (It's a fucking hit and run, dickhead).

So surely I'm better off. Now if I could just start running again...

Cure Is Better Than Prevention

Yes, I know I got it the wrong way around.

But that statement is true for some things, however. Like an addiction, or bad habits.

See, when you have one of those, then surely just stopping yourself from doing it is not going to make it go away. You can't just simply treat the bad habit itself and not the cause? What's causing you to do it in the first place? And what if you don't want to stop? (Well then the problem runs much deeper than you think).

I think for now I'll just have to resort to avoidance. You know, keeping myself out of trouble, not allowing myself to be tempted.

Oscar Wilde one wrote "I can resist anything but temptation."

Well thank goodness for that!

Rejection

This is a sensitive issue for me. Nobody likes to be rejected but I take it to the next level.

I'm so scared of being rejected that I won't ever make the first move, even if I'm almost certain she'll roll with it, there's still this nagging thought at the back of my mind that she'll turn me down and it'll be so awkward. I can't handle that!

So inevitably I tend to be the one who does the rejecting because she'll feel that I'm trying to drop the hint that I'm not interested, and she'll withdraw.

And why is it that when I get past that stage and things are going great, I always get cold feet? I guess I AM afraid to commit after all.

I reject you, but I am the reject.

Sorry love, it's not you. It's me. Seriously.

Jai Guru Deva Om

(I know I've spoken about this topic before, but it seems that the more you live, you learn.)

Things have changed so much.

This expression has always resonated with me because everytime I hear it, I tend to look inward - towards myself.

People are almost always afraid of change, which is understandable because most of the time we are happy with the way things are and don't like the risk of that changing for the worse.

But some things, however, will never change. Take change itself. It's never constant, and that won't ever change. So I think that once you realise that, you will tend to become more at ease with the thought of things changing.

There is nothing new under the sun. There is nothing that hasn't been done before. Yes sure, there have been fabulous advances in technology, with new things being invented all the time. But that's been happening since the beginning hasn't it?

Music isn't what it used to be.

Well what did it used to be? Good? That depends on taste. When Elvis came on to the scene with his sound, thrusting his hips about, it was considered to be utter nonsense, and now today there are many who think that's where music began, and everything since has been nonsense.

Children don't respect their parents anymore, not like when I was growing up.

"When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly disrespectful and impatient of restraint".
Hesiod, 8th century BC

"What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?"
Plato, 4th Century BC

"The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint... As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress."
Attributed to Peter the Hermit, AD 1274

Well so much for THAT argument. 

It's like John Lennon said:

There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.

So why then are people so hung up on change when it's been happening for so long, without anything

really changing anyway? It's a mindset.

Just allow things to happen, and let the chips fall where they may, there's nowhere you can be that isn't

where you're meant to be. 

And if things are still hard at first, just keep saying to yourself:

Jai Guru Deva Om, nothing's gonna change my world. 

Rugby Girls

They want to be noticed, but not by the wrong people. I wonder how many of their friends and family know that they like to play. Everybody likes to have a go, don't they?

Is it really so bad? People judge, but we do what we have to. They're much better at it than me, I'm sure. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like, but I'd never try it, no way.

Mmm but I bet that's what they said. It's not for any self-respecting young woman to aspire to becoming a Hooker now, is it? "Wat gaan ma se?"

It's too risky anyway, I mean some girls can get hurt badly, and then what? There's only so much of that you can take. I mean, professionally, how well does it pay? Was it really worth giving up everything for this? Everything you could have been? And what happens if you fall pregnant?

I still like to watch at night though, to see them. Just to have a look. No harm, hey? It fascinates me. I get noticed sometimes, staring. That's OK, I like the attention anyway.

I wonder what it'd be like to play one night. Just once...

The Hauntings

It's not easy to forget the first one, even though subsequent ones may be worse in one way or another. Eventually against all reasoning you may even get used to it, and sometimes find it a bit strange if you haven't been visited in a while.

But lately it's been so quiet in this place. You're not around every corner. So then, darling, if your not here haunting me, I'm wondering...

whose house are you haunting tonight?

On whose sheets do you twist? And whose face do you kiss?
Whose house are you haunting tonight?

I don't think much about you anymore. You're not on my every thought and lonely whisper.
No, I don't think much about you, but if you're not lurking behind my curtain, I'm wondering...

whose name do you hiss? Who now has those clenching fists?
Whose house are you haunting tonight?

Who can't resist you now? Whose been crying lately?
Whose house are you haunting tonight?

Rearview Mirror

Most of us who have been driving for long enough will know that objects in the rearview mirror are closer than they appear. Either because it will say so on the mirror itself, or, like me, you will know from experience. Some lessons in life are best learned the hard way, although, I still maintain that Park Distance Control is a gimmick and a nuisance!

Anyway...

I have to admit something here: I don't like Meatloaf as a singer, but I do think he is a decent enough actor. My two favourite characters that he played are "Bob" from Fight Club, and "Eddie" from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. But I also believe in giving credit when it's due. He has a song from long ago called "Objects In The Rearview Mirror" and it's meaning is different from what I'm used to (especially when I'm behind the wheel).

The chorus goes:

And if life is just a highway,
Then the soul is just a car
And objects in the rear view mirror
May appear closer than they are.

See, that's different. Because what I'm used to being told for so long is that what I see in my mirror is actually a lot closer than it looks (which is why I need to have my rear bumper resprayed), but what Meatloaf is saying here is that the objects he sees in his rearview mirror are really further away than they appear.

This song is about having to forget the past and whatever bad memories and other things came out of it, otherwise when you keep thinking back to it, it will seem as if it's still right there behind you, like a pair of headlights in your mirror chasing you down the highway late at night, and you can't escape (or a big bloody dinosaur...).

Sometimes our past comes back to haunt us, sometimes it never leaves us because we keep looking in our mirrors to see if it's still there when we know it is. Sometimes it's our present, something that's happening right now. A person, a job maybe. A burden.

There's another song about rearview mirrors, and it happens to be from my favourite band. It's called Rearviewmirror and it's by Pearl Jam:

Saw things so much clearer
once you were in my rearviewmirror.

I gathered speed from you fucking with me.
Once and for all I'm far away.

Hard to believe. Finally the shades are raised!

Why can't they make car mirrors that allow for things to instead seem further away than what they really are? I'd love one of those...